Parody

The folks at Swimming World have been great about my poking fun at them now and then. Their legal department has not threatened to sue me - yet.

Picking on TimedFinals didn't work out so well for TimedPrelims, though. They've had to revamp their site since our last visit.

They welcome your suggestions on who they should try to interview next, as well as what questions you'd like them to ask.

I'd like to see them interview Kirsten Groome of First Colony and ask her some questions about distance (both pool and open water) swimming.

One more from Leon

Here's what Junior's been busy with:

Yesterday afternoon's pair of 40+ inch redfish:

Bonus Demotivator

Different Night, Similar Result

Excuses for Missing Practices

I was looking at The Old Coach forum today and saw a thread about excuses for missing football two-a-days.

Here are some of the better ones:

I have to stay at home because my new step-mom (mail order bride from Russia) went crazy and pulled a gun on my dad because my real mom came home from her year long trip to Amsterdam and she did not know that I had a new mom and they got in a fight. I have to stay home for 2 days so I can visit my mom.

I have to stay home because my grandma is taking me to the first recording of The Price is Right w/Drew Carey. I will be back on the 20th.

Coached with a guy for three years. He missed two a days twice because of honeymoons [two different ladies].

"Sorry coach, I'm just so tired, my girlfriend is back in town and she brought her cousin with her." Not sure if I could fault the kid here.......

Had a kid a few years back that came to me after the morning workout...."Hey coach, I won't be here this afternoon or in the morning for practice. I'm getting married at 1:00 at the courthouse and my mother-in-law has got us a room at the Best Western."

My mom has a date with my uncle and I have to stay home and watch my brother and my cousins.

Coach...I didn't know we practiced on Fridays.

Had a kid who told his grandma he didn't have to go to practice because he was doing so good we let him have the day off. When he came back we confronted him with it and he said he had met a girl on the internet and had to go meet her. Brain surgeon!

Coach we are going shopping, tax free weekend I won't be at the scrimmage.

A kid told our head coach yesterday that his throat was hurting and that his aunt who is a nurse told him his esophagus may be scratched and there was a good chance he was going to have it removed.

"Coach, I thought you meant practice was in two days".

"Coach I can't work out today. My parents told me I have lactic acid in my muscles and it hurts really bad."

Coach: Kelly why were you not at practice.
Kelly: 3 reasons coach. The heat, the hitting, and the running.
Coach: Hard to argue with that son.

Had our senior receiver show up late because his mother had a date the night before and had not returned to take him to morning practice!

Along the married lines--had one that was just married and missed a practice. "Coach my back is out-- think we been doing it on the floor to much."

Hurricane Harbor (water park) with church group. Missed a scrimmage for a water park. Hurt his wrist at the park and will miss the second scrimmage. Love jv lineman!

Had to miss practice for Gee-tar lessons...

Had a kid call in sick and then had the balls to drive by the practice field and honk, rev up his engine, while towing his wave-runner. He's no longer with us!

I'm sure you swim coaches have heard some funny ones yourselves. Feel free to leave your best as comments.

Edited 10/8/14:

Still plenty of traffic ta this post.  Several more follered.  In case y'all is innerested:

More Excuses

Still More Excuses

Even More Excuses

Holy Guacamole!

Boys had a good time fishing last night:

Bobby (w/Dan):

Leon:

Bonus Demotivator

Bonus Demotivator

Rules of Cannonball Club

1st Rule - You do not talk about CANNONBALL CLUB

2nd Rule - You DO NOT talk about CANNONBALL CLUB

3rd Rule - If someone crashes, swimmers must cheer and holler "Do that one again!"

4th Rule - Only six crashes are allowed in a six-dive list

5th Rule - One crash at a time

6th Rule - No bubblers, no wetsuits

7th Rule - Crashes on video will be re-played at all team functions

8th Rule - If this is your first night at CANNONBALL CLUB, you HAVE to crash

Code Yellow. I repeat, Code Yellow! No, wait - CODE BROWN, CODE BROWN!!

Bonus Demotivator

Bonus Demotivator

Real or made up?

Just saw an article on an alleged pervert swim coach. Hope it's not true. Seems a veteran swim coach (40 years in the sport) in Oregon is being accused of sexual abuse of minors.

Lake Oswego HS coach Don King is 66 years old. He owns his own club team, King Swimming of Lake Oswego.

Authorities say there's video evidence against King. Supporters say these charges are fabrications. We'll see.

E-mail your thoughts to Don at don@kingswimming.com

There's not a whole lot available on the King Swimming of Lake Oswego site. For a bit of info, click here and here.

Might make coaches wonder "If I make Susie do a 200 fly for being late for practice, will she get mad and make up a story that could ruin me?"

Read news articles here and here.

From this morning's Matagorda Advocate:

Earlier this week the Advocate had a headline in which Victoria's head football coach & athletic director's name was misspelled. Thought it was a little funny. Lousy editing didn't catch it. Today's Advocate has this on page 5F:

Two shits are fired in home

Officers responded to a residence at the 2800 block of Park Avenue on Monday afternoon...

That's really crappy editing...

Braggin' Time

Junior (l) and Leonardo (r) took a shot at raising rabbits this year.

It was much easier on the backyard than those goats had been!

Junior's rabbits were Reserve Grand Champions and Leonardo's were 4th. 2nd & 4th weren't bad (out of over a hundred entrants!).

No Swimmer Left Behind

Swimming version of "No Child Left Behind":

No Swimmer Left Behind (NSLB)

1. Swim meets will be held year-round, but only times achieved during meets on the third weekends of February, June, and October will be official.
2. Talented swimmers will be expected to work out on their own time. This is because coaches will be spending most of their time working with students with no interest and/or ability in competitive swimming.
3. All swimmers are expected to qualify for region and state competition. If a team's swimmers do not qualify for region and state competition, the low performing team's coach will be held accountable. He/she shall be placed on probation for one season. If at the conclusion of that season the team still has non-qualifiers, the coach will lose his/her coaching credentials and be terminated.
4. No invitational meets will be scored, as this would result in only one team champion. All participating teams will be awarded identical trophies or plaques.
5. All sprinters are expected to complete the 500 yard freestyle in less than 5 minutes. All distance swimmers are expected to complete the 50 yard freestyle in less than 23 seconds. Title IX dictates that these time standards will not be gender-specific.
6. In dual meets, neither team shall be declared the winner, as that would leave 50% of the participants behind. Unless the final score is a tie, it shall not be announced.
7. Any swimmer that has not met minimum requirements in the previous season will be required to swim in a remedial practice each day (in addition to the regularly scheduled practice). Lack of interest and/or ability will not be a factor in assigning students to remedial practices.
8. Attendance will be taken at all practices, but poor attendance will not be a factor in meet participation. All swimmers, regardless of practice attendance, are expected to be proficient and able to qualify for region and state meets.
9. Swimmers on teams that have been deficient in producing region and state qualifiers may transfer to (and be eligible to compete immediately with) teams that have acceptable programs. The swimmer's former program will provide transportation to the swimmer's new team.
10. Teams judged as low performing must pay all costs associated in transferring swimmers wishing to compete for private schools. This will include, but not be limited to: tuition, transportation, and their new team apparel.
11. Swimmers unable to understand the coach's terminology (descending, average, interval, etc.) will be provided an interpreter at the team's expense.
12. Swimmers unable to find their heart rate or swim time by using a pace clock will be provided calculators at the team's expense.
13. Swimmers labeled as "At Risk" of performing poorly in qualifying meets will be provided special individualized programs. This may require the team to hire extra coaches to work "One-on-One" with the "At Risk" swimmer. The team will pay all costs related to working with "At Risk" swimmers.

Now there's a chick with .... guts!!!

We need more swimmers like superstar Jenny Thompson. She recently thumbed her nose at the University of New Hampshire. Their alumni association wanted to honor her with a medal to recognize her accomplishments as an outstanding Olympic athlete.

The New Hampshire native said she wasn't interested in receiving an award from a school that had just dropped its men's swimming program!!

Way to go, Jenny!!